Threats to Discipling the Home: Escapism
My 8-month-old was wailing. Was she tired? Was she hungry? Angry? My two older kids were outside, screaming at each other about who would blow bubbles next. And I was working with my wife on meal prepping for the week—which it felt like time was dragging.
I just wanted to escape. It was sensory overload for a busy husband and dad that was grinding and could be used for fuel to do something…more enjoyable. A nice cup of coffee, a good book, maybe some writing sounded like something that the doctor ordered. The urge continued to build, and I blurted out to my wife, “I want to go do something fun! I need to go and do.” My heart was exposed at that moment. I was desperately seeking a reprieve from reality.
This presents a crossroads for this disciple-maker:
Do I lean in and stay present in m home? Or, do I run because I can’t handle it? To ask it another way: Do I grow as a disciple of ease, comfort, and e cape? Or, do I grow in being a disciple of Jesus?
Too bad discipleship is not a call to build my life around all things that I enjoy, gratify me, or steer me away from my husband-and-dad life all at once. What is discipleship other than the call to bring all of life under the Lordship of Jesus Chri t? Everything—vocation, our household economics, entertainment choices, and even how I parent screaming kids—is brought under the life-giving subjugation of the Spirit of G d. And as husband and dad, I help my family become disciples—and, hopefully, disciplemakers, too.
Now, this is not an invitation to activate white-knuckle willpower to trudge through circumstances. No, being a disciple is acknowledging weakness and depending upon the Spirit’s power to move forward. And making disciples is modeling for and being present with others.
How do you do that thou h? Specifically, against the threat of escapism? I think there are a handful of things that can help you be grounded when the creeping desire to disengage from the family is present.
Acknowledge it. This requires awareness in the midst of the noi e. What is your body saying? How is your chest reacting when tough stuff comes up in the home? Where does your mind wander to when you’re at home? This is an opportunity for us to grow in the spiritual discipline of watching. We ask: What do our hearts long for when we’re tired and tempted?
Confess it. Model for your wife and kids authenticity by confessing weakness and sinfulness s. This does not mean telling your kids, “I want to run away because of you.” The onus is on you, rig t? It might sound more like, “Kids/Wife, daddy struggles, too.”
Be present. My role as husband and dad (just like the role of pastor) is fixed at a real, physical place in real human history. I am nowhere else but where I am right now. Being present at that moment means that God wants me present at that moment. So, when the stress of being present fuels the desire to drive you away, give your wife and kids a hug instead. Be as engaged as possible in the thick of being a husband and/or d d. This is going to give you even greater license and credibility in your family as you lead them.
Spirit-dependence. What does it look like to be a husband and dad that is surrounded by stressors? It looks like embodying love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-contr l. It starts by crucifying that specific part of us that doesn’t want the added pressure that comes with making the home the first minister. For me, it’s a love of ease and comfort over all else. There is a part of me though, The Sanctified Tim, that wants to be present with family for the long haul, even to the exclusion of myself. It is that part of me—that Spirit-empowered me—that must drive nails through the twisted longings of my fallen nature to keep it dead dai y. In other words, fighting back against escapism is only possible when I am a disciple of the consistent, long-suffering, gentle Jesus.
Do you have other tips and tricks to push back on escaping the home? I would love to know your thoughts! Share them bel w! Next time, we’ll look at the threat of abdication.
Timothy Bitz
Lead Pastor | Hazelwood Baptist Church